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| Wednesday, November 19th, 2008 | | 1:58 pm |
Denied!
Once again, I am denied the top spot in People's Sexiest Man Alive list as this year it is Hugh Jackman from Australia. Isn't that where the Von Trapp family was from? That's sexy? But, I hear the Alps are beautiful. Anyway, this year I come in at 577 on the list, just ahead of John Glover, who plays Lionel Luthor on the CW's Smallville, and just behind The Guy on the Taco Bell Commercial who gets his Triple Steak Burrito delivered by the valet. But, I have my sights set on cracking the top 500 next year, so look out Danny Romo (Tony Romo's little brother, who comes in at 500 and is currently dating Raven Symone from That's So Raven). So, in the meantime, while I work on my Mack Daddy vibe, I give you People's Top Ten Things Women Look For In A Man 10. Subscribes to People 9. Uses turn signal when changing lanes 8. Able to move heavy things 7. Able to move heavy things with their mind 6. Calluses 5. Cilantro 4. Large upside 3. Drug connections 2. Gets misty when that SPCA commercial with Sarah MacLachlan comes on 1. Strong ears | | Tuesday, October 28th, 2008 | | 2:08 pm |
48 The Hard Way
Not a sequel to The Hard Way with Guy Pearce and Rachel Griffiths (Still one of my favorite actresses), but rather 48 in 08 is this weekend at Madlab, http://www.madlab.net/48in08.htm. So, as we countdown to 48 in 08, I'm gonna countdown the top 48 hits in the country from 48 and I won't stop til I've reached the top. 48. Darius Rucker Don't Think I Don't Think About It Yep, Hootie is back. On a country label. Guess what? It still sucks. So keep your copy of Cracked Rear View Mirror hidden. or whatever the name of that album was. 47. Metro Station Shake it I think it's a dance song. That's my hunch. Just to be safe, i'm shakin' it right now. 46. Toby Keith She Never Cried In Front of Me This reminds me of an intro to a sketch for Too Much Christmas 2007 that I gave as Hermy the Elf. Which makes me think this song is about when Toby Keith came out to his mom. 45. Jazmine Sullivan Need U Bad I actually like this song. And not just because it's a good looking woman named Jazmine telling me she needs me bad. but, it doesn't hurt. 44. 50 Cent Get Up I don't know if 50 Cent is half as interesting as when he first burst on to the scene, but I do know he's a dead ringer for Rodney Stuckey, the sensational young guard for the Pistons. But Stuckey hasn't been shot 9 times. 43. Kenny Chesney with The Wailers Everybody Wants To Go To Heaven What the hell is wrong with people? 42. Kid Rock All Summer Long That song where Kid Rock uses Sweet Home Alabama to talk about how great Northern Michigan was when he was young while making Warren Zevon spin in his grave or urn or whatever as he uses the melody from "Werewolves of London." At least he's a Pistons season ticket holder. 41. Shontelle T-Shirt I got nothing on this one. 40. Leona Lewis Bleeding Love She's really pretty. And British. Sold. 39. Gavin Rossdale Love Remains The Same What happened to this guy? I figure marrying Gwen Stefani would make you rock even more, but no. Then again, some would say he never rocked. On top of that, I don't think the Blue Jackets play Machinehead when they take the ice anymore. Then again, that's probably a positive for Gavin. 38. T-Pain featuring Chris Brown Freeze One guy always sings through a vocoder and a shiny grill. The other one dances more than he sings. And they just keep putting out hits. 37. Carrie Underwood Just a Dream I would usually ding on Carrie Underwood being an American Idol and all, but she dumped Tony Romo, so she gets props in my book. Now, we're up to our look back at the top songs from 5 years ago. And 5 years ago the #37 song in the nation was Toby Keiths I Love This Bar. The name of the bar he loved? Slammers! Now, on with the countdown.... | | Monday, October 20th, 2008 | | 1:09 pm |
Stolen from Writer's Bloc Everyone knows having a crush at the office or in class can make the time pass a little bit quicker. Is it better to keep your crush a secret or tell them how you feel? Check all that apply _ I always keep it a secret since my thing with Alphonso in Regulatory went bad. _ I keep it a secret but run at lunch with my shirt off hoping they'll notice. It gets dicey in February. _ I keep it a secret unless I'm drunk on a business trip out of state. Then, I can reveal it and then later say it doesn't count. _ Turn on your heartlight and let them know. _ No. I just decide we're gonna have to be in love in secret and leave it at that. _ I like to tell them through the art of skywriting. _ Actually, all of my crushes will be getting a robocall from John McCain's campaign today that will include a message of love from me. It will also mention that Obama was actually one of McCain's captors in North Vietnam. Despicable. | | Tuesday, October 14th, 2008 | | 3:03 pm |
Stripped Away Lives On..
Or at least Destiny... From ESPN.com's Bill Simmons column in ESPN the Magazine: I love the playoff wrinkle because you could do the postseason draft by e-mail or conference call if you wanted, but you could also use it as an excuse to "get together" after work or after school … at Hooters or a strip club. "Sorry, Destiny, I can't go into the VIP room yet, I'm debating between Carl Landry and Rasho Nesterovic." | | Thursday, October 2nd, 2008 | | 1:24 pm |
i've been thinking a lot today
Army by Ben Folds Five well i thought about the army dad said, son you're fucking high and i thought, yeah there's a first for everything so i took my old man's advice three sad semesters it was only fifteen grand spent in bed i thought about the army i dropped out and joined a band instead grew a moustache and a mullet got a job at chic-fil-a citing artistic differences the band broke up in may and in june reformed without me and they'd got a different name i nuked another grandma's apple pie and hung my head in shame i've been thinking a lot today i've been thinking a lot today oh, i think i'll write a screenplay oh, i think i'll take it to LA oh, i think i'll get it done yesterday in this time of introspection on the eve of my election i say to my reflection god, please spare me more rejection 'cause my peers, they criticize me and my ex-wives all despise me try to put it all behind me but my redneck past is nipping at my heels i've been thinking a lot today i've been thinking a lot today i've been thinking a lot today i thought about the army... | | Wednesday, October 1st, 2008 | | 1:34 pm |
Rocktober!
Yep, a month that I know a lot of you love is finally here. Here are a few important dates to remember: Rocktober 3-4: 3 in 30 at Madlab, 10:00, I’m not directing myself this time. But, I am directing one piece and appearing in another. There’s man on man on woman action. Oh yeah. And my moustache is in it too. Rocktober 9: Ghosts opens at MadLab, but being performed by Raconteur Theatre company, http://www.raconteurtheatre.com/currentshow.html . The moustache stays. Rocktober 10: Indian Summer begins. I know what you’re thinking “hey Woosley, it’s 2008, they’re called native Americans.” But, hold up there Cheech. I’m talking about Summer in India! And since they’re in the Eastern hemisphere, their summer starts when ours ends. Crazy. Rocktober 12: Going to see Cold War Kids. Pre-show at Club185. Hopefully not a post-show at Carabar like after My Chemical Romance. But, I think the show is gonna rock as much. As it should in Rocktober! Rocktober 14: Magellan Day. He circumnavigated the World. And to honor him, I’m gonna circumnavigate your face! Rocktober 26: I shave off my moustache. Donate to charity. Rocktober 31: While you guys eat candy, I will be recognizing the religious aspects of this holiday by drinking the blood of my neighbor’s Irish Setter. | | Tuesday, September 30th, 2008 | | 1:01 pm |
Love Will Tear Us Apart Again
Yep, and once again it has as Sarah Silverman has broken off our relationship to return to Jimmy Kimmell. I should have seen it coming, but as often happens with me, I didn't want to believe it. So, once again, I have my heart broken by a cute little Jewish girl. But, i still wish her a Happy New Year at dusk today. And i wish the same to these Top 10 Jewish celebrities other than Sarah Silverman who also broke my heart. Though, not all did it on Rosh Hoshannah. 10. Alyson Hannigan 9. Jennifer Jason Leigh 8. Lola Falana 7. Gwynneth Paltrow 6. Jennifer Grey 5. Britney Spears 4. Yasmine Bleeth 3. Maggie Gyllenhaal (Though we're still doing Spiderman 4 together) 2. Barbra Streisand 1. Julia Louis-Dreyfus | | Friday, September 26th, 2008 | | 10:51 am |
"You Can Act Like A Man!"
So, John MCain is still not sure he's showing up for the presidential debate tonight. The one in which he is supposed to be one of the debaters. He's trying to decide whether to do an interview with Brian Williams or show up for the debate or stay in Washington and help legislators reach consensus on the bailout plan much as he did when he brokered the deal to garner universal health care or just get a bag of Funyons and hang out with Palin at the Waldorf Astoria. In the meantime, Barack Obama is planning on showing up for the debate. But, what is he gonna do for 90 minutes if McCain doesn't show up? Here are the top 10 options the Obama camp is considering : 10. Shadow puppets. 9. Panel show where Barack discusses the top entertainment stories of the day with Chelsea Handler, Nancy O'Dell and Chris Matthews 8. Turn on the Mets game. 7. With some of his Frenchy liberal friends from Cirque du Soleil, he will perform a piece that, without words, will convey to the American public, the challenges we face and how he plans to meet them. 6. Standing in for John McCain will be Pat Paulsen, not to be confused with our Secretary of the Treasury, Henry Paulson, who will be walking around Washington, drunk, telling everyone he owns them. 5. Show off his karate skills by breaking things in half 4. Host a variety show with special guests The Jonas Brothers, Tim Conway, the Mandrell Sisters and Former U.S. Labor Secretary Robert Reich. 3. A lifesize cutout of McCain will be put up and when the camera shows McCain, Obama is gonna supply the voice, a combination of Towelie and Rush Limbaugh is what he is going for. 2. Ultimate Fight with Obama vs Kimbo Slice 1. Hook up a giant video screen with McCain on it and debate him via vid screen much like Kirk vs Khan in Star Trek II. | | Thursday, September 25th, 2008 | | 12:41 pm |
Need to Focus
I’ve suspended my life until me and President Bush get this economic crisis figured out. So, here are the top 10 things I’m not gonna be able to do while I put the country back on the Gold standard. 10. Watch the new Knight Rider 9. Change my kids diapers 8. Finish my hedge sculpture of Terrell Owens with his head, still in Cowboys helmet, separated from his body. 7. Record my cover version of “Gitarzan.” 6. Return Kirsten Dunst’s calls 5. Keep track of my fantasy football teams. 4. Vacuum. That’s my brothers job anyway. 3. Make out with a guy and a girl in Last Man on Earth? at Madlab, 10/3 and 10/4 at 10:00, part of 3 in 30: Choices, www.madlab.net 2. Continue my research into coming up with a way to convert belly lint into fuel 1. Debate Snagglepuss to get him prepared for the debate tomorrow | | Tuesday, September 23rd, 2008 | | 12:18 pm |
Match Game 2008
No Gene Rayburn or Brett Somers or a skinny mike or even Richard Dawson, but rather just some election thingie to confirm what you probably already know as far as who you're gonna vote for. Me? The Communist Muslim as my co-worker refers to him. Yeah, why can't the candidates raise the level of discourse like my co-worker? Meh http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/MatchOMatic/fullpage?id=5542139 | | Saturday, September 13th, 2008 | | 1:27 pm |
Mmmm, You Just Got Bobofied
Saw NPaRrrrr at MadLab last night. Very funny. Joe Liles steals the show. Wait, owns the show. Get to know him! I also liked that the sexy radio voice in NPaRrrr was the same as the gvoice for the Bobo and the Gator promos for WELF in TMX '07. That was a nice shoutout. Bobo and the Gator are ubiquitous. | | Tuesday, August 19th, 2008 | | 11:19 am |
| | Friday, August 15th, 2008 | | 8:52 am |
Times Are Changing
MICHAEL Tell me something, Ma. What did Papa think -- deep in his heart? He was being strong -- strong for his family. But by being strong for his family -- could he -- lose it? MAMA You're thinking about your wife -- about the baby you lost. But you and your wife can always have another baby. MICHAEL No, I meant -- lose his family. MAMA but you can never lose your family. MICHAEL Times are changing. | | Wednesday, July 30th, 2008 | | 12:37 pm |
| | 9:18 am |
| | Wednesday, July 23rd, 2008 | | 7:26 am |
| | Tuesday, July 15th, 2008 | | 1:03 pm |
Sad News From The Entertainement World??
Not really. I think its good news. Good for me. Sarah Silverman and Jimmy Kimmell have split after 5 years. I hate to see any couple break up but if one of them has to be these 2, then so be it. i say this only because it opens the door a sliver for me to be Sarah's next exboyfriend. And the fact that I've already had one failed interfaith marriage tells me I'm due for a successful interfaith marr--relationship. In a related story, Kyle Sweeny doesn't care that Sarah Silverman is back on the market. | | Monday, July 14th, 2008 | | 12:32 pm |
Favre Rally a Bust
A rally outside Lambeau field with fans supporting Brett Favre returning from retirement to lead the team got off to a promising start as 20,000 fans assembled with signs and jerseys supporting the all-time great QB. But, then inexplicably, about 20 minutes into the planned 2 hour rally, the fans all changed their mind. A clearly miffed Brett Favre said, "I don't get how you can come out here and be all gung ho that 'yeah I'm supporting Brett Favre' and then all of a sudden change your mind and expect me to still welcome you with open arms and accept your millions of dollars next season." Reportedly, the tide started to turn when a replay of Favre's costly interception in the NFC Championship Game last year which cost the Packers a chance to go to the Super Bowl was shown by the Packers on the giant Jumbotron outside Lambeau Field. It was part of a 20 minute montage of costly Favre interceptions over the last 5 years. In a related story, Dan Marino showed up at Dolphins Stadium yesterday and was reportedly irked that his locker had been cleaned out. The Dolphins offered to restore his locker and give him a spot on the team but only as a backup to Don Strock. | | Saturday, July 12th, 2008 | | 9:59 am |
Oh, Baxter, you are my little gentleman
After spending a few hours with Baxter, the newest MadLab cat, I am convinced that everyone should have a kitten. And that he and The Other Cat should have a play date. | | Wednesday, July 2nd, 2008 | | 2:53 pm |
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